[Photographs: David Kover]

When Anthony Bourdain filmed an episode of No Reservations in San Francisco last year, his final stop was for a burger at Red's Java House. Staring meaningfully into the camera, Bourdain proffers his decidedly downscale burger and proclaims, "This is the antidote to Alice Waters."

Regardless of the pedigree (or quality) of the burgers at Red's Java House, it's easy to see why a producer would want to get the place on TV. On a pier that juts out into the Bay, Red's looks like the tiniest of shacks from the outside. Inside, the long, narrow restaurant space sports an old-school menu board and vaguely off-color memorabilia (e.g., a mug shot of Patty Hearst). The concrete-floored seating area out the back has views out over the water—loading docks framed by the Bay Bridge. (These are charms that may soon disappear. Rumor has it that redevelopment along the Embarcadero may send Red's to extinction.)

In keeping with its Bourdain-approved edgy character, the burger at Red's is basic stuff. As a sign under the menu makes clear they won't even give you lettuce and tomato. The thin patty, a quarter-pound or so, is adorned only with a few lonely pickles and some roughly cut chunks of onion. Standard yellow mustard comes pre-applied, and if you order the cheeseburger, it's a slice of deli cheddar. In a San Francisco touch, Red's places its patty on a length of generic sourdough bread. It's chewy, tangy, and thick—certainly more than a typical burger can handle, though Red's remedies this somewhat by hollowing it out. On bread of this heft, definitely order the double cheeseburger.

I didn't ask too many questions about the beef at Red's—I'm not sure it would have mattered. The burgers I tried were cooked all the way through and then some. A bit of grease from the griddle saved the patties from becoming completely dried out, and beefy flavor didn't get much past middling. The very reasonable price ($3.42), though, will make this a fair trade-off for some burger eaters.

The fried sides are in keeping with the general no-frills theme at Red's. The onion rings, in their almost-identical perfect roundness, appeared to have started life frozen, and arrived with a breading that evoked mozzarella stick more than onion ring.

Fries were crisp enough, though not total standouts in that department, and certainly needed more salt. Asked to choose, I'd say to just go whole hog and have Red's add some of their mildly spicy chili on top of the fries—it becomes a bit of goopy mess, but there's something quite satisfying about that.

Sorry, Tony, but if we're just talking burger quality, I would have hustled Alice Waters into that kitchen in a heartbeat. But I don't miss the point entirely. There's something absolutely wonderful about the unfussy charms of dining at Red's. Find me a sunny day in San Francisco, and I'd happily sit out on that concrete pier, wash down my very cheap burger with an Anchor Steam, and stare out at the Bay Bridge. That's a beautiful San Francisco moment. Someone ought to put it on television.

About the author: David Kover is a San Francisco-based freelance writer and food enthusiast. Though he's an equal opportunity eater, there's a special place in his heart for crispy slices of pizza and juicy hamburgers. You can check out his pizza reviews over at Slice.