Today on The Awl, guest op-ed writer Jeff Johnson has many questions relating to J. Wellington Wimpy, the Popeye cartoon character whose iconic phrase lent itself (part of it, anyway), to the name of A Hamburger Today. Among them (and there are many, many more):

Do you think Wimpy was just asking for any kind of hamburger? Do you know which, if any, toppings he preferred? Would you swear that you never saw him using condiments in any Popeye cartoon? Did you like it when everything, including condiments came in glass bottles? Do you like onions on your hamburger? If so, do you like them diced or whole? Is it possible to prefer both, on some sort of rotation? Do you think Wimpy liked his hamburgers well done or less well done? Do you think the quality of meat was substantially better then or substantially worse, or about the same? Do you think the life of the cow that went into a hamburger was as scary as it is today? Didn't Wimpy usually have a napkin around his neck? Wasn't that a bit goddamn presumptuous? Do you think Wimpy was just a little bit too happy for a guy, who let's face it was probably, if asked to actually start paying people back, pretty far in debt in terms of hamburger assistance? If you helped Wimpy get something to eat, could you be called a hamburger helper? Is that corny?

He also wants to know if there's any record of Wimpy having ever paid anyone back on Tuesday.

And, holy crap! Someone answers every one of Johnson's questions in the comments there!