A Hamburger Today
Los Angeles: A Small Coincidence at Mini Bites
Mini Bites
4481 Santa Monica Boulevard, Los Angeles CA 90029 (map); 323-666-4242
Cooking Method: Griddled
Short Order: Smaller is cuter, but not tastier
Want Fries with That? No! These frozen fast food style spuds are straight from the grocery freezer and they taste it
Prices: Mini cheeseburgers, $4.50
Notes: If you are throwing a kid's birthday party, you might be a hit if you show up with a bag full of Mini's
There is some external burger force guiding our reviews this week. Somehow, without out plan or pretext, Nick and I found ourselves eating small burgers at roughly the same time while being 3,000 miles apart from one another. I read his review while taking a break from writing mine and was delighted by the coincidence.
Perhaps it’s not so strange. In some respects, the small burger is why we are all here. That is to say, they're AHT founder Adam Kuban's second favorite food (pizza being the first) and the inspiration for him to start this blog. Of course, we all know semantics of the slider are fraught with slippage despite Mr. Kuban’s valiant efforts to apply a little rationality to the conversation.
Unfortunately, he’s fighting an uphill battle as the fascination with the little has blossomed into a proliferation of the small burger (or small sandwich) labeled as slider. I found the most recent offense just this morning in the form of Philly Cheesesteak Sliders. While we can’t control all of the semiotic sloppiness that has spread across our slider landscape, we can continue to sound the alarm. There is some evidence it’s working.
Just a five-minute drive from my front door is a food shack that has a storied and, more recently, dynamic history. The Northeast corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and Virgil Avenue was, for decades, home to the Los Angeles burger institution Jays Jayburger’s. It was an multi-ingredient, greasy affair that I always felt was more history than good taste, but certainly it had a following. A dispute with the landlord priced Jay out of the burger business and Los Angeles said one final goodnight to a piece of its history. It was, after a while replaced with another burger stand that lasted a fraction of the time before shuttering.
The newest iteration is giving the burger stand one more try. At the (very) newly opened Mini Bites, the conceit is small, or should I say "mini." The menu includes a tiny selection of diminutive food. To their credit, the word "slider" doesn’t appear anywhere. I tried the properly labeled "Mini Burgers."
Mini Bites is a comparatively buffed and polished take on the burger stand. The whole place looks new and clean and highly designed. The signage uses a graffiti font that mimics the aesthetic of the neighborhood, but is clearly an act of artifice, not street art. The outdoor seating looks simple enough, but a upon further inspection the geometrical picnic table layout gives off a surprisingly sophisticated feel.
Ordering is done by marking up a menu with a golf pencil. All of the Mini entrees (burger, chicken sandwiches, burritos) come in pairs. I select the Mini Cheeseburgers, some fries, and a coke. After handing in my slip of paper, the cashier asks me what I’ll have. I repeat what’s on the paper in her hand and she punches it into the register. The redundancy of the process negates whatever charm the paper ordering might a have had.
The food arrives quickly, though not as fast as I might have expected considering that I am the only one eating at Mini Bites this quiet afternoon in Silverlake. All of my treats come packed in paper and cardboard boxes. It’s cute, but excessive.
The Mini Burgers are impressive scale models of the full-sized sandwich. Patty, lettuce, tomato, pickles, grilled onions, and American cheese sit between a fluffy, commercial bun. The full package is undeniably cute—like a chubby baby. Mmmm, babies. Let’s eat!
The bun is spongy and fresh with a hint of griddling. The toppings are actually fresh and have some flavor. The patty is a wee bit overcooked, but I've encountered this as the rule with small burgers. They seem to resist proper temperature if you griddle or grill a crust on them. Thankfully, these little guys have some nice griddled crust, though seem absent of seasoning. The beef, particularly without seasoning, reveals it’s big box origins.
When I go over to the self-serve, individually packed salt, pepper, ketchup, and mayo area the ugly truth is revealed. "Chef’s Review" is stamped across everything. This is a private label sold at Smart & Final—the store where family cookouts go to die.
Even the fries are poured out of a freezer bag with the mark of the beast. As I see them dive into the oil, I know the conclusion foregone. They actually receive a healthy (and welcomed) dose of salt and pepper, but the seasonings do little to save these flaccid fries.
Mini Bites burgers deliver on the cuteness and textures, but the overall effect is that of an amateur execution: Cheap beef that is underseasoned and overcooked makes for a weak burger no matter the size. To their credit all of the veggies are fresh (even the mushrooms) and the place feels very clean, but I’d certainly take some grime if it meant a better burger.
The conceit of Mini Bites isn’t the problem, nor is the aesthetic value of the food. The problem lies in the execution. It's as if someone came up with the idea on a competition cooking show and they were forced to supply their restaurant from Smart & Final as part of some advertising tie-in. Perhaps some of the kinks are still to be ironed out as this is a new venture, but their first foot forward is a stumble.
This week's bi-coastal, burger reviewing was related in genre, but as far apart in taste as the reviewers are in miles. Nick’s delicious meal meant a trip across bridges and tunnels. My middling, mini burger journey took me just a few blocks from home. Next time I'll remember to drive a little farther to a place where the burgers taste a lot better.