Hey! So this weekend marks the unofficial start of summer and all that comes with it. And, well, I was originally going to mention something about summer road trips and tie in this book giveaway—George Motz's Hamburger America—with the fact that it is the perfect guide to planning a burger-bustin' adventure. But then I remembered how crazy spendy gas is and that you might not want to travel far—unless you're made of money or pee gas. Whether you've got a full tank or no, Motz's book is delightful and can serve as that map or as a compendium of burger awesomeness for armchair travelers.
Anyway, we've got five (5) copies of this book to give away this weekend.
All you have to do is: COMPOSE A HAMBURGER HAIKU in the comments here. The best five haikus, as determined by the AHT staff, win.
Beef burgers with bacon and cheese,
And fries on the side, if you please;
Veg burgers, sliced plastic,
Soy chills till I'm spastic,
And makes me throw up till I pees.
HEY! Maybe I didn't explicitly state, but you can only enter once. (The contest rules I linked to mention this.) All you folks with more than one haiku here have disqualified yourselves. And that pisses me off, because some of you wrote some killer haikus that would have gone into the semifinalists pool for consideration from the AHT-SeriousEats staff.
So anyone else still in the running: Don't ruin it by doing more than one!
-------------------------
update: Disregard the above statement. We will be honoring all haikus from all commenters, regardless of how many they enter. See below for my sincerest apology. —Adam (4:15PM on 05/25/08)
Tupelo, Karen, and everyone who made more than one haiku ... and anyone who didn't ... and anyone who wants to:
I retract my first comment above. I think in my mind I *meant* to stipulate 1 entry per person, which I typically do on other contests. I did not do that, however, and doing so midstream is not fair to those who have already joined the fun here.
And when I said that I was "p****d off," that was more because some really killer haikus looked like they were off the table. I was not angry at any of you fine, fine burger lovers, as I have come to expect some double-commenting over the years.
The AHT/SE staff and I will honor all haikus from all entrants, no matter how many are entered. I am humbled by your outcry here, I am sorry, and I beg your forgiveness.
That said, I would like to address one more issue here ... What are you all doing on the internet today?!?!? Get outside and grill some burgers, people ;)
Print
Hey! So this weekend marks the unofficial start of summer and all that comes with it. And, well, I was originally going to mention something about summer road trips and tie in this book giveaway—George Motz's Hamburger America—with the fact that it is the perfect guide to planning a burger-bustin' adventure. But then I remembered how crazy spendy gas is and that you might not want to travel far—unless you're made of money or pee gas. Whether you've got a full tank or no, Motz's book is delightful and can serve as that map or as a compendium of burger awesomeness for armchair travelers.
Comments are closed: 126 Comments:
I love to eat beef
All juicy, salty, and sweet
Fills my stomach well.
doobybrain at 12:23PM on 05/24/08
Beef burgers with bacon and cheese,
And fries on the side, if you please;
Veg burgers, sliced plastic,
Soy chills till I'm spastic,
And makes me throw up till I pees.
LunaPierCook at 12:29PM on 05/24/08
fresh, never frozen
patties of beef are so rare
even when cooked well done
challah at 12:39PM on 05/24/08
Shake Shack
I will wait for you
In-n-Out of the East Coast
You are worth the line.
brunjaune at 12:43PM on 05/24/08
Driving cross country
Need a burger in each state
What book tells me where?
lgwapnitsky at 1:00PM on 05/24/08
It's sizzle speaks truth
Americana Forgot
No "Special Sauce" here.
0bs01337 at 1:04PM on 05/24/08
Burger haiku, not a lim'rick;
Fresh from the butcher,
When almost rare, good moist beef,
Seasoned, stands alone
LunaPierCook at 1:05PM on 05/24/08
First bite, juice trickles
beef, bacon, swiss, tastes explode
US burgers rock!
PerkyMac at 1:13PM on 05/24/08
Got a pile of meat?
Get out the grill, tout de suit.
Don't forget, mesquite!
beano at 1:15PM on 05/24/08
The most perfect food
And then I add the bacon
A pig improved you
UncleTupelo at 1:37PM on 05/24/08
Hamburgers confuse.
A strange hockey puck of food,
like so much grill'd beef.
lemieuxster at 1:58PM on 05/24/08
Need a perfect meal?
With meat, veggies, and grain?
Try a Hambuger!
lemieuxster at 2:00PM on 05/24/08
Cook it on one side
Ponder by your backyard grill
Flip it over now.
lemieuxster at 2:06PM on 05/24/08
smoke rise, fat sizzle...
seared perfection on a bun,
my so-happy meal!
wookie at 2:23PM on 05/24/08
I love the 'burger
Grill, pan, smashed on a flat top
Beefy perfection
hsoj32 at 2:29PM on 05/24/08
oh the grill's sweet muse
medium rare, if you please
monday please arrive
Littlebluesiren at 3:20PM on 05/24/08
Sun shines on my face
Aromas pleasing my nose
Grease on my fingers
JR10024 at 3:25PM on 05/24/08
What's the Beef?
kobe beef burger
i couldn't tell except that
you cost this month's rent
caviarandcodfish at 3:36PM on 05/24/08
Sesame seed bun
Beef, cheese, onion, ketchup.
Fries on the side. Eat.
dbcurrie at 3:46PM on 05/24/08
You, you stole my heart.
Hamburger, you’re beautiful.
Not food, you are art.
Minda at 4:10PM on 05/24/08
Fresh ground, half a pound
Sexy in the bun with onions
No ketchup in sight
scaevola at 4:32PM on 05/24/08
_The_Cowboy_Burger_
Bacon, cheddar, ranch
A symphony of trans fats
Thank God summer's here.
amya413 at 4:41PM on 05/24/08
beefy juicy love
cheese, bacon - pick your pleasure
just make it taste good
graciecat at 5:23PM on 05/24/08
beef cheese bread and sauce
I need nothing else in life
maybe a cold beer
takhomasak at 5:39PM on 05/24/08
ketchup'd succubus
of coal-sparked umami cries!
lie here on cloud buns
Karen Resta at 6:15PM on 05/24/08
beef, perfectly grilled with
just the basics - bacon, cheese -
all piled on a bun
feelgood at 6:43PM on 05/24/08
Burger or salad?
Oh, wait, you said cheeseburger?
The diet can wait.
doctor fat at 7:19PM on 05/24/08
juice juice juice juice juice
juice juice juice juice juice juice juice
dribble down my chin
tacroy80 at 8:46PM on 05/24/08
I like mine with let-
tuce and tomato, Heinz Fifty-
Seven and ... french fries.
tacroy80 at 8:49PM on 05/24/08
#1
The beef ground by hand
it needs more Worcestershire sauce
and onions mixed in
#2
with bacon on top
and slabs of irish cheddar
my burger heaven
#3
no ketchup on mine
my burgers are unadorned
by sweet relishes
coconutlime at 9:12PM on 05/24/08
Such a simple thing
Meat patty held fast by bread
Toppings reflect taste
BigGUM at 9:17PM on 05/24/08
Some say Five Guys
or Shake Shack, but what about
a diner like Mel's?
wookie at 10:07PM on 05/24/08
Oh Crap! I just read
S.E.'s Standard Contest Rules.
Am I in trouble?
wookie at 10:10PM on 05/24/08
Late night, drive thru or
at the backyard barbeque,
ask for the burger.
wookie at 10:17PM on 05/24/08
Food of simple joy
Essence of beef resplendent
Sublime synergy
crazytasty at 10:51PM on 05/24/08
Friends seem to drop by
when the smell of hamburger
wafts from my backyard.
yankeesgal at 10:56PM on 05/24/08
Proud foreigners, my parents were
12 going on 13, ready for my first rebellion
BK and MTV
pprcuts at 11:03PM on 05/24/08
In-N-Out, Need Now
My Animal Four By Four
Lonely-N-Texas
pookywookyster at 11:45PM on 05/24/08
You once were a cow
Now you are a burger
Tasty little cow
UncleTupelo at 1:10AM on 05/25/08
A burger is great
And when you want a salad
Its between the buns
UncleTupelo at 1:29AM on 05/25/08
Two all beef patties
Ketchup, mayo, lettuce, cheese
And a nice grilled bun
UncleTupelo at 1:38AM on 05/25/08
Two all beef patties
Special sauce and lettuce, cheese
Ooh not that burger
UncleTupelo at 1:41AM on 05/25/08
Juicy Lucy please
Scalding innards on my tongue
The burns are worth it
JustinP at 1:47AM on 05/25/08
Why go out for steak?
When I can always stay home,
For a hamburger.
wthrop at 2:34AM on 05/25/08
Nicoise, Caeser, Cobb
Chef, House, Caprese, Waldorf
Or, eat a burger.
UncleTupelo at 2:34AM on 05/25/08
Fresh ground sirloin steak
Crisp bacon and melted cheese
The taste is sublime
UncleTupelo at 2:37AM on 05/25/08
Fire up the gas grill
Ground sirloin patted with love
Summer's smell wafts above
Erinay77 at 4:29AM on 05/25/08
Any time and place,
ground and grilled dead cow patty
is, nonetheless, bliss!
inkwatu at 6:18AM on 05/25/08
Beefy perfection
In my dreams, hot on a plate,
I love you burger.
chzburg at 6:52AM on 05/25/08
What's life's perfect food?
Great debate exists - my vote:
The humble burger.
chzburg at 6:58AM on 05/25/08
How do I love thee?
Let me count the cheese slices.
Add bacon and yum!
brittj8585 at 8:25AM on 05/25/08
Fast food or homemade,
It doesn't make a difference,
Some secret sauce too!
tsegada at 9:41AM on 05/25/08
fresh sizzle then sear
bacon melting cheese pickle
love this time of year
fullgrownburger at 9:56AM on 05/25/08
beef is great you know
full flavor medium rare
thank the lord for cows
fullgrownburger at 10:04AM on 05/25/08
start with a big cow
feed it lots of bright green grass
butcher's shop we go
fullgrownburger at 10:06AM on 05/25/08
burgers good and fun
grind em form em grill em up
nevermind the bun
fullgrownburger at 10:10AM on 05/25/08
char on out pink in
dont grill it to awful long
why kill the cow twice i say
fullgrownburger at 10:37AM on 05/25/08
a burger a day
will keep the doctor away
a phrase I live by
loveology at 11:26AM on 05/25/08
burger, you're bigger
larger than small fries around
up on the relished
mattc at 11:32AM on 05/25/08
beach grill smoke icon
esculent succulent bite
epiphany: MEAT!
Karen Resta at 11:39AM on 05/25/08
Fist of beef
Pressed and grilled
Heaven on a bun
haagenfreak at 11:41AM on 05/25/08
Can't beat a burger,
For breakfast, lunch or dinner,
Except maybe two.
wthrop at 11:43AM on 05/25/08
grilled, flamed, barbequed
don't torture it with salad
just good ol' burger
mattc at 11:49AM on 05/25/08
HEY! Maybe I didn't explicitly state, but you can only enter once. (The contest rules I linked to mention this.) All you folks with more than one haiku here have disqualified yourselves. And that pisses me off, because some of you wrote some killer haikus that would have gone into the semifinalists pool for consideration from the AHT-SeriousEats staff.
So anyone else still in the running: Don't ruin it by doing more than one!
-------------------------
update: Disregard the above statement. We will be honoring all haikus from all commenters, regardless of how many they enter. See below for my sincerest apology. —Adam (4:15PM on 05/25/08)
Adam Kuban at 11:50AM on 05/25/08
.........a personalized hamburger of desire........Americana at it's best!
pjlein at 12:40PM on 05/25/08
dripping down my arm...
perfect burger bite results..
extraordinaire..
agirl at 12:49PM on 05/25/08
two burgers, danger!
first to eat up right away
other up in flames!
Just my response to the rules, I didn't know :(
mattc at 12:54PM on 05/25/08
A cow is divine:
You can tell when it is grilled
With cheese on a bun
izzimoon at 1:24PM on 05/25/08
Oh devine burger
You weep when I savor you
Ketchup on my shirt
bobows at 1:49PM on 05/25/08
Burgers taste real good
But Adam Kuban sucks d@$k
Drink a bullet please
UncleTupelo at 2:00PM on 05/25/08
No one knew the rules
Adam Kuban made them up
And he is pissed off
UncleTupelo at 2:08PM on 05/25/08
Oh and by the way
It is just my opinion
That Adam sucks d@$k
UncleTupelo at 2:10PM on 05/25/08
Adam Kuban sits
Eating a burger with cheese
Hope he chokes and dies
UncleTupelo at 2:15PM on 05/25/08
sizzling, juicy
enrobed in cheese and onions
rapsody awaits
gregsmom at 2:19PM on 05/25/08
all of my haikus are of course written tongue in cheek. Thank you
UncleTupelo at 2:45PM on 05/25/08
UncleTupelo
is scaring me. Take it easy!
It's just a free book.
Raphael at 2:55PM on 05/25/08
Oh, the smell
A Burger on the grill
All is Well
Hunnyoil at 2:56PM on 05/25/08
Look, Tupelo, I just reread the rules and I may have been in error. I apologize for any misinterpretation there.
Adam Kuban at 3:09PM on 05/25/08
an angry Adam
makes cheeseburgers sob, o yes
their tomatoes wilt
I was only doing it for the fun of it anyway and would have given the book to someone else (having been lucky enough to win one on SE already). :)
But when you start a thrilling party like this god only knows what might happen. : O
Karen Resta at 3:25PM on 05/25/08
someone is to blame
who ate all the burgers
Adam had em'
mattc at 3:50PM on 05/25/08
~ just in fun, was doing it for fun anyway :)
mattc at 3:51PM on 05/25/08
God bless our troops
Sure would like to win.....
tsslug7 at 3:55PM on 05/25/08
Tupelo, Karen, and everyone who made more than one haiku ... and anyone who didn't ... and anyone who wants to:
I retract my first comment above. I think in my mind I *meant* to stipulate 1 entry per person, which I typically do on other contests. I did not do that, however, and doing so midstream is not fair to those who have already joined the fun here.
And when I said that I was "p****d off," that was more because some really killer haikus looked like they were off the table. I was not angry at any of you fine, fine burger lovers, as I have come to expect some double-commenting over the years.
The AHT/SE staff and I will honor all haikus from all entrants, no matter how many are entered. I am humbled by your outcry here, I am sorry, and I beg your forgiveness.
That said, I would like to address one more issue here ... What are you all doing on the internet today?!?!? Get outside and grill some burgers, people ;)
Adam Kuban at 4:13PM on 05/25/08
I should also note that I am recusing myself from the judges' panel. I am now tainted as a judge.
Adam Kuban at 4:42PM on 05/25/08
burger king mickey d's wendys
five guys hardees checkers
my burgers beat all these !!!
onepercent99 at 5:03PM on 05/25/08
toasted bun
sizzling beef, slight char
condiment or two
that's my desire.
wordweasel at 5:15PM on 05/25/08
Pastures of cows & steer
Fields of golden wheat
A Burger is Born
Q80 BurgerBelly at 5:49PM on 05/25/08
A butchers grinde
A cooks grill
Burgers you will find
Q80 BurgerBelly at 5:53PM on 05/25/08
Burgers are grilling,
aroma wafts, the smell is
making me hungry
Sugarmuser at 6:52PM on 05/25/08
hamburger today!
i'd gladly pay you tuesday,
'cept i got laid off
maqloubeh at 6:52PM on 05/25/08
Make vegans jealous
Carnivore palate pleaser
Tradition at best
zekks at 6:59PM on 05/25/08
he-man at the grill,
my boyfriend screws up again.
briquet on black bun.
maqloubeh at 7:00PM on 05/25/08
this is Mc Nuggets
i said i want a Big Mac
fix your intercom
maqloubeh at 7:07PM on 05/25/08
hate the game not the playa
you should've been a zebra
food not friend
pprcuts at 8:05PM on 05/25/08
To your lusciousness
Sweet surrender, I so do
Worship hamburger.
nightmoon at 9:41PM on 05/25/08
striped, juicy, warm, thick
tuck between the buns myself
i'm serious eats
secretariat at 10:47PM on 05/25/08
patty, bun, condiment
less is more, more is too much
perfect's not enough
secretariat at 10:51PM on 05/25/08
warm cheese, seared angus
melting in my waiting mouth
manna from heaven
HerbyN at 1:04AM on 05/26/08
Burgers should be beef
No turkey or other stuff
Mis-named to mislead
chzburg at 8:17AM on 05/26/08
Burger haikus rock!
Creative and inspiring,
Cause unsightly drool.
chzburg at 8:23AM on 05/26/08
beautiful burger
how you captivate our hearts
and scare the vegans
loveology at 10:43AM on 05/26/08
Ground chuck and sirloin
Flat top or grill, I don't care
But it must have cheese
ESNY1077 at 12:01PM on 05/26/08
Burger, I must say
A perfectly built sandwich
Accept no others
ESNY1077 at 12:03PM on 05/26/08
patty full flavor
Bun fixins and cheese of favor
get me fries please
phauxtoe at 2:00PM on 05/26/08
dark brown salty crust
right amount of pink inside
sizzle juicy drip
benzado at 2:32PM on 05/26/08
writing this haiku
sure makes me crave a burger
I'm off to find one!
loveology at 3:44PM on 05/26/08
Ground beef and embers
Flare ups
Juices dripping on my hands
Q80 BurgerBelly at 5:38PM on 05/26/08
Burgers on the grill
Dry aged 80% lean
Platform for ketchup
OliverRanch at 5:46PM on 05/26/08
St. Louis World's Fair
The burger's grand beginning
Ubiquitous treat
supergirl at 10:03PM on 05/26/08
sizzle, ouch! you hit
the grill but your pain is so
delicious to me
amakat at 10:07PM on 05/26/08
sink your choppers in
my sweet meat inside a bun
lips teeth tongue and gone
amakat at 10:07PM on 05/26/08
Dad's cooking
you're once raw hunger
twice flipped over and over
three times charcoal black
mattc at 10:22PM on 05/26/08
Louis's Lunch Place
Connecticut's claim to fame
was his burger first?
supergirl at 10:23PM on 05/26/08
vacation coming
burger busting adventure
is on the menu
supergirl at 10:30PM on 05/26/08
fat, juice, cheese, heat, char
(grease spot on my paper plate
ketchup on my shirt)
Karen Resta at 6:23AM on 05/27/08
the outside is bun
the middle is juicy meat
all of it is gone
nighthawk at 10:10AM on 05/27/08
grilled ground beef patty
adorned with hot melty cheese
happiness ensues
foodinmouth at 10:11AM on 05/27/08
got burger?
is on my mind
course ground chuck is extra fine!
BanditBBQ at 10:27AM on 05/27/08
Sizzling foreplay
Juicy medium rare love
Beefy orgasm
gratefulted at 10:29AM on 05/27/08
No beef, no burger
Veggie burgers shalt not be
Nor can ground turkey
ESNY1077 at 11:27AM on 05/27/08
Need perfect burger
Grind Round, Grind Grind Grind Three Times
Serve with Zinfandel
OliverRanch at 11:54AM on 05/27/08
Family cookout
Behind me, sizzle and smoke --
I can see burgers
EatingInTranslation at 12:00PM on 05/27/08
Juices hot and red
Dribble slowly down my chin
A bite of heaven.
Stufsocker at 12:01PM on 05/27/08
Only word is yum!
Will travel for a burger
Cross country and back.
krisdi78 at 12:01PM on 05/27/08
I was reading through my RSS feeds as fast as I could and got here just at noon. Sad face.
feistyfoodie at 12:01PM on 05/27/08
Turns out we had one extra book sitting around. So we have six winners instead of five! And the winners are:
dark brown salty crust
right amount of pink inside
sizzle juicy drip
—benzado
The judges say: Perfect invocation of the perfect burger.
You once were a cow
Now you are a burger
Tasty little cow
—UncleTupelo
The judges say: Fun and wickedly dark, from the cow's standpoint. If haikus had titles, this one's should be "Bwahahahah."
this is Mc Nuggets
i said i want a Big Mac
fix your intercom
—maqloubeh
The judges say: We've all been there, man. Amen.
Fresh from the butcher,
When almost rare, good moist beef,
Seasoned, stands alone
—LunaPierCook
The judges say: Right on. The best burgers need little more than seasoning.
Pastures of cows & steer
Fields of golden wheat
A Burger is Born
—Q80 BurgerBelly
The judges say: Simply beautiful. Captures not only the spirit of burgers but the spirit of America at its best, as well.
Family cookout
Behind me, sizzle and smoke --
I can see burgers
—EatingInTranslation
The judges say: Evocative of Memorial Day and summer weekends in general.
Thanks to everyone who entered. And it is clear we will have to hold a burger limerick contest soon!
The Serious Eats Team at 6:23PM on 05/27/08