Don't be fooled: This may look like a delicious cheeseburger, but it's actually a nuclear weapon.

Don't ask me what it tasted like; I don't know. All I know is, I took one bite, and the juices shot out in a scalding hot projectile, landing on my delicate skin and leaving me in pain.

Ouch!

How could a burger hurt me like that? I was in shock, and could hardly eat the rest. I did eventually persevere, and the darn thing was overcooked. Burned not once, but twice. As I composed an imaginary conversation between myself and the waitress, she came by and asked how everything was. I panicked and said it was great.

Obviously, I was lying, but she didn't know. The bloody napkin I'd turned into a makeshift ice-pack looked innocent enough, or maybe merely ketchuppy. It was just a mild burn, and besides, who was at fault? And what could anyone do about it anyway?

Has this ever happened to you? Usually there's some meaty drippiness to be found, but this stuff absolutely launched itself onto my hand. The burger itself wasn't very hot, which was that much more confusing. I didn't burn my mouth at all, and I continue to puzzle over what happened. Was the meat not allowed to rest before it was served? Stored upside-down? Stuffed with a hidden, heated, packet?

The good news is, I'm fine; shaken, but surviving. My next few meals, however, are going to be served quite cold.