Grilled: Josh Ozersky, aka "Mr. Cutlets"

Posted by Adam Kuban, September 5, 2006 at 9:00 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, some men make their reputations on the gritty avenues and byways of the inner city, where their exploits earn them "street cred." The subject of today's Grilled column has what we at A Hamburger Today call "meat cred." Josh "Mr. Cutlets" Ozersky has made his figurative bones (while discarding a great many literal ones) in the world of carnivorolgy, dispensing his wisdom along the way in countless newspaper and radio pieces and in his book Meat Me in Manhattan, an essential guide to New York City's best meat emporiums. He has recently taken the job of online food editor at New York magazine, where he continues to share his knowledge of dining with the world. Without further ado, let's get grilling. —Ed.

Name: Josh Ozersky
Location: Meatopia
Occupation: Online food editor, New York magazine

How often do you eat burgers?
As often as possible: Four to five times a week.

Where did you eat your most recent one?
Prime Burger has its charms for me. It's the size and shape I like to see, and ferried quickly to and fro by diner waiters in uniforms. I like sitting in the school desks, and I like the freshness of the meat. But the bun isn't toasted the way I would like it to be, and the burger itself is frequently overdone. So that's that.

Bill Telepan's burgers are still among the best of their kind in town, especially in midday, when the cleanness of the meat, and its digestability, are at a premium.

230 Fifth's romli burger is distinctive and rewarding, but cooked en masse ahead of time, like the Cheeseburker slider at David Burke at Bloomingdales.

I had a thin, greasy, but still pink! cheeseburger at Seventh Avenue Donuts in Park Slope. Those rarely disappoint.

And finally, I had a Motz Burger at the Water Taxi Beach and immediately afterward, homeward bound and grateful to Harry Hawk, stopped in at Schnäck for a single Schnäckie. Though a minute ounce and a half, it was every bit as juicy and flavorful and its fatter big brother, and I paid it the sincerest compliment one can give any hamburger, which was to order another. [The address or locations for the various burger joints mentioned in today's Grilled can be found below. —Ed.]

Cheese: American, cheddar, other?
American! Only American. No man is more xenophobic. Cheddar is too greasy when melted, and about other cheeses, the less said the better. A square of tangerine-colored processed cheese food product is what God intended a hamburger to bear.

Ketchup or mustard?
Neither. Just a little pickle.

Grilled, griddled, or broiled?
Griddled! Only the flat griddle can give the hamburger the brown, gorgeously irregular rough surface it requires for its intricate interplay of textures—the soft, viscous cheese and the yielding moistness of the meat inside, both inside the crisp-soft complexity of the toasted, enriched white bun. A hot live fire will scorch it, and as the precious fluids drip between the irons, a little bit of love is lost with every drop. An ancient griddle that a thousand hamburgers have cooked on will be seasoned, and thus able to lend their ghostly essences to every new one that is made. Plus, the flat surface will refract the grease heat, essentially cooking the hamburger in its own juice.

And how would you like that done, sir?
Ideally, the interior should be the color of my gums, and the exterior a deep mahogany flecked with specks of black.

Would you do us the favor of describing your perfect burger? Price and ingredients are no object.
See above for doneness, construction, and condiments. The burger itself can be anywhere between five and eight ounces, but its thickness must never vary: As it gets bigger it must expand horizontally. The meat should be an 80-20 or even 75-25 mixture of very fresh ground beef and fat: Chuck will do, but the perfect burger would probably be a mixture of chuck and hangar, for an extra beefiness. It should be aggressively salted, with a little black pepper mixed in. The bun should have an egg wash to make it crispier, and a very thin coating of butter or margarine before it goes onto the grill. It should sit for three-four minutes before I get it. And there should be another one just like it on the way.

What's your favorite fast-food burger?
Among regional chains, Culver's, Fatburger, and Steak 'N Shake, in order. Among national chains, a freshly made Burger King double cheeseburger or a Whopper with cheese, no toppings. And of course, three White Castles and two double cheeseburgers at White Castle.

What topping or condiment, in your opinion, should never grace a burger?
Lettuce and tomato, blue cheese, guacamole—basically everything but the orthodox allowance of ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion.

What's the most overrated burger in your city. Most underrated?
Overrated is surely the Corner Bistro, a test of blind fealty to the foodie party line. They cook their burgers halfway in the afternoon and then let them sit in gray goo all day until you order it, when it is finished in a broiler and thrown on an untoasted bun. Feh!

The most underrated burger is surely the Chelsea Gallery Restaurant [left], whose hot, broiled, eight-ounce Angus beefburger on a toasted, double-cheesed bun is better than the Bistro's ever was, albeit in a much less attractive surrounding. You'll never make out with a sloshed debutante there, that's for sure. Almost as underrated is Veselka, but since they often overcook the burgers by putting the cheese on only when the burger is done (despite your entreaties), their neglect is slightly justified. But they are still my No. 2 burger in New York, especially with the bacon on it.

For some crazy reason, you're going vegetarian. Where do you go for your final burger?
The Corner Bistro. Afterward I would welcome the hell of salad-eating.

###

BURGER JOINTS REFERENCED
Prime Burger: 5 East 51st Street (b/n Fifth and Mad.), New York City; primeburger.com
Telepan: 72 West 69 Street (b/n CPW and Columbus Ave.), New York City; telepan-ny.com
230 Fifth: 230 Fifth Ave. (at 27th Street), New York City; 230-Fifth.com
Seventh Ave. Donut Shop: 324 Seventh Ave. (Park Slope, at 9th Street); Brooklyn
Harry's at Water Taxi Beach: Water Taxi Beach, Long Island City (Queens); watertaxibeach.com
Schnäck: 122 Union Street (Red Hook); Brooklyn; Schn¨ck
Culver's: Various locations, mostly in the Midwest; culvers.com
Fatburger: Various locations, mostly in California; fatburger.com
Steak 'n Shake: Various locations; mostly in the East, South, and Midwest; steaknshake.com
Burger King: Various locations worldwide; burgerking.com
White Castle: Various locations, mostly in the Northeast; whitecastle.com
Corner Bistro: 331 West 4th Street, New York City; cornerbistro.citysearch.com
Veselka: 144 Second Ave. (at 9th Street) New York City: veselka.com

FURTHER READING
MisterCutlets.com [Josh's official site. Warning: Jovial theme song plays on opening!]
Mr. Cutlets's Top Picks—Citywide, Regionally, and Nationally [AHT Archives]
You Are What You Eat, Mr. Cutlets [Eat, Drink, One Woman]
Other Grilled interviews [AHT archives]

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