Tonight's a Good One, Kids

Posted by Honey P., June 8, 2005 at 5:50 PM

Now that Dave has fallen off, many of us have resorted to Leno during the stretch beween the scare-journalism of local news and the comedic stylings of Conan. Good thing The Chin is on the money these days. Filling the hump that comes in the middle of a week already graced by Will Ferrell and the stylish O.C. cutey Adam Brody, Mr. Leno overwhelms us with a double whopper: Tom "Fists" Cruise and Chandler Goff.

That's right, two hits of crazy in one night! For those of you who missed the Tom & Katie Bomb, dropped on our country just weeks ago, I'll update you: First he appeared on Oprah bursting into monkeylike hysterics over his newfound love/Scientology experiment Ms. Holmes. Then he showed up on Access Hollywood to start a beef with Brooke Shields over the fact that she used pharmaceuticals to cure herself of an urge to kill herself and her baby, claiming there's no science to science. Then, after forcing journalists to tour Scientology facilities with him , he started another fight with a 60 Minutes anchor who suggested that some people might think Scientology is "a bunch of lunatic fringe." Oh Tommy boy, we're counting on you to enliven this evening's telly watching.

As fascinated as we are by Mr. Cruise's psychosis, however, we know where our priorities lie. So even if Mr. Top Gun cools his jets tonight, we'll still have Mr. Goff's appearance. If you don't know about chef Chandler, listen up: This guy is crazed in his own right, taking his burger obsession to new highs. At Mulligan's in Decatur, Georgia, Mr. Goff serves up his controversial "Hamdog" as well as the "Luther Burger." The Hamdog, of mythical proportions but oh so very real, starts with a hot dog wrapped in a beef patty. This massive meatwad is then deep-fried. Not enough for you? It's then topped with chili, cheese, onion, a fried egg, and two fistfuls of fries. All of this is nestled in a giant hoagie bun. The "Luther," supposedly named after R&B singer Luther Vandross, is much more simple: two Krispy Kremes sandwiching a good ol' bacon cheeseburger.

Unlike Tommy, though, Mr. Goff's crazy is a crazy we find truly endearing. But to be honest, we hope Tommy tries to body slam him—or, preferably, Toby Keith, tonight's musical guest. We wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Cruise starts a third beef tonight. It seems to be what he does best these days.

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Tags: doughnut burgers, film and television, Honey P.